The problem with constantly boasting of living a physically and emotionally, healthy life style, is the pressure to maintain a face of well being to support it. After all, if what I do is supposed to be so good for you, it shouldn't allow for any doubts.
The problem is compounded when you also commit to sharing your thoughts daily in a very public way.
What do I do or say when I feel like crap?
Pretend?
Or admit it?
I have no problem admitting when my body is bruised and battered, and in actual fact I am usually proud of the fact. Proud because it is easily justified by the hurt I put it through.
My soul however has no such excuse. If I look around at my circumstances I can't find sufficient reason to feel depressed.
And that is why I question?
Am I allowed?
Part of me wants to "smarten up....get with the program....stop feeling sorry for myself"...etc.
And part of me wants to say..."I feel down....I just want to rest...leave me alone"...etc
Am I allowed?
Part of me says, "of course, you deserve a break"
And part of me says, "don't ever let your guard down!"
So I don't know. What I do know is that, allowed or not, I have struggled for the last few days. Waking up with the dreaded dark feeling for no reason I can identify.
In the short term I have decided to change a few things. I will work out only at home and avoid the pool, the weight room and yoga class. Maybe I'm just trying too hard?
(run 7.3 kms)
"When mental energy is allowed to follow the line of least resistance and to fall into easy channels, it is called weakness."---James Allen
The problem is compounded when you also commit to sharing your thoughts daily in a very public way.
What do I do or say when I feel like crap?
Pretend?
Or admit it?
I have no problem admitting when my body is bruised and battered, and in actual fact I am usually proud of the fact. Proud because it is easily justified by the hurt I put it through.
My soul however has no such excuse. If I look around at my circumstances I can't find sufficient reason to feel depressed.
And that is why I question?
Am I allowed?
Part of me wants to "smarten up....get with the program....stop feeling sorry for myself"...etc.
And part of me wants to say..."I feel down....I just want to rest...leave me alone"...etc
Am I allowed?
Part of me says, "of course, you deserve a break"
And part of me says, "don't ever let your guard down!"
So I don't know. What I do know is that, allowed or not, I have struggled for the last few days. Waking up with the dreaded dark feeling for no reason I can identify.
In the short term I have decided to change a few things. I will work out only at home and avoid the pool, the weight room and yoga class. Maybe I'm just trying too hard?
(run 7.3 kms)
"When mental energy is allowed to follow the line of least resistance and to fall into easy channels, it is called weakness."---James Allen
Love
Peter
I cant help but thinking that maybe relaxing would be a good thing. I also agree with your idea to try something different. I know i am old too, but I am going to repeat myself once again. I think you will benefit greatly by spending a bit less time on yourself for a while, and more time on others. Go to the old folks home, volunteer at the shelter, go do some household chores for your children, or go visit family you hardly ever see. I know you recognize how your addiction is a bit selfish sometimes. I see no conflict between relaxing a bit now and still being well prepared for next August.
ReplyDeleteLove Old John